not all the grass you see is green

it comes to my attention that since i will have my ass removed, probably next year, and i will be posted to another station, i realised that i have to take things rather easy… slow? i don’t know… but i feel, there is nothing that needs rushing. and of course, there’s always a side of me that many have yet discovered.

i have high expectation of myself. of course i do. sometimes, when i can’t delivered what i had preach or have high hopes in delivering, i get frustrated. and of course, if my crew performs below than i had expected them to be, i will be disappointed not only with my crew, but myself as well.

but i realised that the grass is not always greener on the other side. i find that i need to lower my own expectation as well. i guessed, i will have to say, i won’t be too demanding. because when you demand too much and it didn’t follow your way, you left with nothing but utter disappointment.

i wish that when i left my old place, and come to a new place, i would start afresh. maybe i won’t need that… who knows, my ass will be working for someplace else. hey, you would never know, right?

now a days, i just feel so empty. i don’t feel the rhythm and the motivation to excite myself or my crew. to me, whatever matters is that everything was wrapped up in that particular shifts and just go home.

but i enjoy going to work! i enjoy looking at those familiar faces. i enjoy spending quality time with them as we sit and chit chat about our lives and what has been. and most of all, i enjoy these people company.

i guessed, what i am trying to say in this entry is that, i used to have high expectations of myself and my crew. i used to be. maybe i’ve just realised that there’s no point in doing so…

i’m just exhausted…

sometimes, when i looked at josh, and how we had sat through the nights, having our small chit chats, i realised that he was one of the most fortunate para.medics around, but he does not know that.

i know both of us were physically and mentally drained out. but i believed that when you have a good working chemistry with your working colleague and your crew, it doesn’t matter about those small little problems that pops along the way…

we must face it head on!